Leaders of both major parties have today explained to the Advocate why a Federal Independent Commission Against Corruption, or similar watchdog type body isn’t necessary.

“We don’t have anything to hide, and therefore we don’t need a Federal body to investigate any behaviour that may be deemed suspicious,” said Attorney-General George Brandis.

“Our Federal politicians are incredibly honest, moral, and trusted human beings who are able to regulate themselves and hold themselves accountable,” he said.

Bill Shorten informed us that although politicians are regularly party to corruption scandals across the country at state level and almost everywhere else in the world, we could “trust the major parties to ensure that nothing untoward was going on.”

“We can’t normally agree on anything, so for both major parties to be opposed to a Federal ICAC you’ve got to believe us that it’s great policy,” Shorten said.

We gave The Attorney-General the example of Andrew Robb, the former Trade Minister, who helped a Chinese company gain the lucrative 99 year Port of Darwin lease; before quitting politics and walking into a casual 880k consultancy gig with the same company just days after quitting politics.

“No way anything crook happened there boys. He definitely got that job based upon merit. The fact that he helped them gain the contract was just a coincidence,” Brandis said.

Shorten confirmed to us that just because the state politicians and councillors couldn’t lie straight in bed, it didn’t mean that some of the federal pollies from the same parties might be crooked.

Shorten said the Greens were just jealous that mining, business, and finance companies and property developers didn’t ask their politicians to do them favours.


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