SAM DAVIS | Government | Contact

Late this afternoon, the Prime Minister was seen standing like Liam Gallagher does when he sings at the end of a Sydney jetty as he looked toward the sky.

“Why God,” said Malcolm Turnbull.

“Why have you done this to me? What have I done to deserve this shabby treatment? I’ve ticked all the boxes. I don’t understand, God! Give me a sign!”

A number of concerned locals from the nearby Prince Edward Yacht Club came out to see if Mr Turnbull was OK but most were turned back by the Prime Minister’s AFP detail.

One of those turned back was Jack Carmichael-Jones-Cornwall-Davidson III, a 48-year-old art curator that’s met Mr Turnbull enough times around Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs to think they’re on a first name basis.

He spoke to our reporter about what he saw down on Felix Bay this afternoon while he took his incontinent 17-year-old King Charles Cavalier bitch for a ‘jolly beach walk’.

“I wanted to go and comfort my friend Malcolm on the jetty but as I started on down the wooden gangway, one of his AFP goons came out of nowhere and put the muzzle of a Glock against my belly button and told me to fuck off,” he said.

“Most crass but the bodyguard did explain that this latest bother with Senator Parry has just tipped Malcolm over the edge,”

“I mean how would you feel? When Malcolm was crushing foreign governments in the High Court and working with Goldman Sachs, Peter Dutton was holding a radar gun on the Bruce Highway, booking people for going 107 in a 100 zone. It must be hard for him being the smartest man in every room down in Canberra.”

The Advocate reached out to the Prime Minister’s Office for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.


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