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As the city of Melbourne rapidly tries to get on top of a spicy cough cluster in it’s north, another major medical outbreak has emerged on the Gold Coast.

It’s been revealed that there’s been widespread gastrointestinal infections across the glitter strip, particularly amongst the region’s roofing industry.

Data has yet to be released but experts believe that nearly 50% of employees in the roofing industry, and significant numbers amongst other trades have somehow contracted the rapid body cleanser.

While any link is yet to be confirmed, allegations have emerged that the outbreak could be linked to the monster surf currently off the coast of Northern NSW and South East Queensland.

One sick local man explained to us that the 2.5-3 metre swell has nothing to do with him being unable to come into work today.

“Nah, I think it was just some bad chicken aye,” said Tristan Thomas today.

“I didn’t even know it’s pumping out there until you told me,” explained the man whose mentioned the conditions in 15 different private and group messages.

“Honest to god, I was up all night with it coming out both ends,” explained the young man with a suspicious amount of wind behind his voice.

“Just gonna rest up and take it easy”

More to come.


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