ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Perched on a rock up at Mount Remienko Base Camp today sat four blokes who haven’t spent their state-imposed lockdown learning how to play golf.

As it turns out, these middle-class suburban friends from Betoota Heights are the only bloke their age in the whole of Australia who still thinks golf is fucken lame as.

“I’d rather suck the oil from my 98 Hyundai’s sump hole than dress up like a fuckwit and get annoyed at myself,” said Jade Coleman, a 28-year-old trainee accountant.

“Swear on my Nan’s life, mate. You give me the option and I’ll slide under the cunt, unscrew the plug and go suck suck.”

His friends laughed.

“Me too, brah,” said the one without the sunglasses who refused to give his name.

He was the most affected by the quite obvious cannabis use before our reporter made it all the way up to base camp.

“My stepdad plays golf every weekend and I think he’s a prick!”

Again, his friends laughed.

“He is a prick. Errol, mate, his stepdad is actually the biggest fuckwit. Like, it’d be hard being this cunt’s stepdad but like, this bloke is just needlessly mean and shit. Like once he made Chewdog walk home from soccer because they lost to the Prods from Whooton,”

“He hates the fucken Prods so much.”

The last one to speak to our reporter about hating golf was Liam Overell, who is the youngest son of The Advocate’s editor, Clancy.

“I’m the same as Chewdog. My dad, your fucken boss, is the president of Royal Betoota Country Club. He used to make me enter father-son golf competitions with him until I just fucken lost it one day and wrapped my putter around a gidee tree. Fucken Dad was lucky he didn’t get that Scotty Cameron around his fucken head.”

Our reporter then decided it was time to go.

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here