24 March, 2017. 12:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Shunning the traditional jingoistic neo-masculine convention of the footy player driving a hot ute or fast-four-door, a local first grade winger has settled on buying a Toyota Prius this morning after nearly a month of shopping around.

Blown away by its sensibly frugal 1.5L petrol engine and ingenious hybrid-drive electric motor, Kelsey Limpmann said the decision was easy in the end.

“Most of the forwards drive their big ‘LoserCruisers’ with those gaudy smoke stacks and ‘truck nuts’ swinging from the tow ball,” he said.

“I play out on the wing. My boots are white, my BMI is 20.5 and I can run like the wind blows. Nobody can catch me. I don’t need a fast car to feel fast, I am fast. I’m more concerned about the bigger picture, about reducing local congestion and tackling climate change. That’s why I drive a Prius now – because I’m above everyone else. I’m a rugby union winger.”

Without pissing in his pocket anymore than what was necessary for the interview, The Advocate then asked he plans to do with his old car, a charmingly reliable and gorgeous AU Ford Falcon – nicknamed Georgie the Geelong Comet.

Taking his time to pensively answer the question, the 23-year-old pulled the Bailey Nelsons away from his face, folded them up and slipped them onto the top button of his linen shirt.

“I’m going to return to car to where it once came,” he said.

“We’re having a burial. The car will be surrendered back to the harsh ore-rich earth from which gave her birth. It’s next Thursday out on the Birdsville road if you want to send along some media. The Prius will be there.”

More to come.


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