Local man Ben Thomas reckons he’s worked hard to overcome his adolescent trauma, and that despite not having a solid cry for several years he’s doing just fine, honestly.

However, when he was grocery shopping, Ben was suddenly overcome with feelings of guilt when he attempted to tear a small banana off a larger bunch. Though he has a little trouble admitting it, Ben says the small act may have triggered his past feelings of social rejection.

“I don’t know, I just feel a bit more sensitive than usual, I guess.”

“Never been the one to attribute feelings to inanimate objects but it just felt wrong.”

Ben admits that he’s also started to deliberately pick bruised or misshapen produce, in the fear that they’d be left behind in favour of the prettier fruit and vegies.

“I think it stems from my own feelings of inadequacy. I know what it’s like to be a wonky banana.”

“You’d think as I’d gotten older and beefed up a bit that those feelings would disappear, but I still live in fear of becoming ‘Beanpole Ben’ again.”

“I just want big arms and a beard, is that too much to fucking ask?”

Unfortunately, when Ben decided to use the dodgy produce he’d bought, he was horrified to discover that the bruises were clearly a sign that the vegetables were rotten.

Ben has since developed yet another complex, and isn’t entirely sure what to think anymore.

More to come.


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