7 December, 2016. 19:34

INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer | Contact

AS OPPOSED TO BUYING an older fuel efficient car, local nature boy Oculus Ponsford has taken a leaf out of his favourite film iRobot and put a down payment on his own driverless electric car.

After clicking confirm on the car maker’s website, the 58-year-old semi-retired creative consultant/art director rocked back in his seat and took a deep breath in through his nose as basked in his own sense of self-satisfaction.

“Just doing my bit for the environment,” said Ponsford. “What have you done today?”

However, what Oculus has failed to take in from the glossy pamphlets and auto-pilot videos is that these machines have the embedded energy of a small naval frigate.

Broke climate change proclaimer and vocal opponent of electric vehicle Gavin Coolidge has spoken out against Tesla, saying that their high-production advertisements and a holier-than-thou environmental message are misleading consumers.

He says that while Teslas have no emmissions, they’re still powered by a fossil fuel – and most likely will be for another two generations.

“I drive an old diesel Mercedes that runs on vegetable oil,” he explained. “Not a car with cool gadgets that runs on batteries made from rare earth minerals which are mined by child slaves and firehouses in deepest darkest Africa. The demand for these batteries is fueling conflicts and destroying the environment all over that region and companies like Telsa couldn’t give a shit about.”

“But how cool is the auto-pilot feature? It means you can look at your phone driving down the highway without feeling guilty.”

The Advocate reached out to Tesla for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.


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