ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A French Quarter yuppie’s dearth of rouge headwear has come to an end this afternoon as he donned a red hat for the first time since democratic rudeboy Donald Trump won office in November 2016.

Since then, the culture vultures that ‘grow’ within the renovated terrace houses and worker’s cottages of our town’s cosmopolitan city district have made a point of not wearing a red hat of any description while sneering at those who have.

But today is the day for Liam Cerretti, who decided enough time has passed.

“It’s been a long time but I’m glad I can finally wear my red Yankees hat again, which I bought in New York, by the way, at Dodgers Stadium, which is in the Bronx, uh, yeah, I think, yeah it’s in the Bronx,” he said.

“Red hats have been on the nose for a while now, mind the pun! [sic] Plus Trump is just a bad memory now, like my parent’s divorce. So yeah, like my step-father Max, there’s a lot of water under the bridge. I never meant for him to fall back and hit his head on the tiles when I put a crisp one on his chin for trying to discipline me. Just like I never meant to promote fucking Trumo by wearing a red hat in South West Queensland,”

“But we’re back. Great timing, too. We’re losing masks and QR codes this week – but I’ll still be checking in and wearing a mask, even if the business doesn’t want me to,”

“And I hate to be a contrarian but I love how academic Wordle has become under the New York Times banner. See, I’m not even worried about wearing my red Yankees hat now, which I bought in New York.”

Our reporter indicated that they wanted Liam to stop talking long enough for them to leave the room.

More to come.


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