Hillsong is still not cool, it has been confirmed.

Despite infiltrating the Australian music scene, film industry and the NSW state Government with their brand of morally acceptable youth culture, the Church still isn’t going to be as cool as getting roots and pulling cones.

Australian kids who were raised outside of the NSW Bible Belt say that even though Hillsong is the closest any religion has ever got to being cool, the fact that it’s entire model is based around listening to a someone with a fake tan talk about Jesus means that it isn’t cool, and never will be”

Betoota teenager, Tommy, says that he was pretty close to thinking the Australian brand of evangelical Christianity was cool, until he listened to some of their music.

“It sounds like normal rock music until you hear all the lyrics about being delivered to hope and being saved from vice”

“Essentially they are telling me that praising Jesus through shitty power ballads is the way the to go, and drinking Woodstock and cola and making out with chicks in the park isn’t”

Tommy’s dad, Bruce, also thinks Hillsong isn’t cool.

“Anyone who asks for 10% of my household income without providing me with anything other than an air conditioned stadium to hang out in on Sunday will never be cool”

“I’d rather my kid hang around bikies. At least they’ll teach him how to say no to someone when he’s being shafted”

SEE BELOW: Evidence that Sydney’s once booming nightlife has been infiltrated by Hillsong.


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