Former grogmonster, Spero Gardiner (28) is now an indoor cat, according to his mates.

After years of setting the tone when it came to social activities within his friendship circle, Spero now has landed himself a lovely girlfriend, and is really enjoying his new life of Friday night hummus and Sunday arvo bush walks.

His mates say that while they are disappointed, he really has got himself a real keeper.

“Look, she’s lovely” says close mate Nippo.

“But we are at a loss without him. There’s much less momentum for the rest of us single blokes. We have essentially all become indoor cats now too and we don’t get any of the perks…”

“…Like yoghurt on cereal and stuff. He’s been in a good paddock since he shacked up”

However, it seems Spero might have put a few of the lads off side during his recent appearance at the local. When asked if he was out for a big night, Spero’s answer and subsequent explanation was quite patronising.

“You only really go out all night to get on the grog with your mates and pick up a bird…” he said.

“But if you’ve already got a bird… What’s the point in staying out”

The entire venue stopped in complete silence, with only the hint of pokie machine’s feature in the background.

Spero, realising that he had just essentially told his six best mates that he doesn’t need them anymore, was speechless himself.

“I going to have to kindly ask you to leave, Spero” said the publican, breaking the silence.

“Get out”

Spero was last seen booking an uber behind the skip bin in the pub’s car park.



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