ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Federal Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has confirmed this morning that the government will not be endorsing another lockdown should the Pangolin’s Revenge jump containment lines again.

The response to the coronavirus has already lumped entire generations with lifelong debt and the lockdown and quarantine measures have all but destroyed the economy.

Which forms part of the reason why the government will adopt a more Swedish response to a hypothetical third wave of the virus.

“Sweden is one of the only economies in Europe that isn’t in a massive recession right now,” said Josh.

“They’ve paid a heavy price, in terms of human lives, but they’ve managed to come out the other side with far less economic damage than the rest of the world,”

“Which as a Treasurer, really gets me going and up and about, you know? To put it bluntly, we simply cannot afford to keep the country locked up. We need to reopen the economy, it’s gotten to the point now where we need to consider the true cost of this pandemic,”

“I’m sorry – but this is the reality of the situation. Not every Australian can afford to virtue-signal from the comfort of the inner city, some of us actually have to work and generate money in the economy,”

“So yes, the Federal Government’s official response to a third wave of coronavirus will be to simply play on with social distancing and handwashing. Survival of the fittest.”

Unsurprisingly, a number of local Baby Boomers and their long-suffering parents have criticised the Federal Government’s plan, telling The Advocate this morning that they’ve paid taxes their whole lives.

“We’ve paid taxes our whole lives,” said Martin Dalye, a 73-year-old retired judge.

“Which means we’ve paid for this coronavirus response, not the young people. My life is worth just as much as a 25-year-old carpenter’s life. I don’t care what anyone says,”

“Take a look at your newspaper, it’s full of spelling errors and missed words. You’re a fuckwit, too.”

Doctor Jane Rutherglen at the Royal Betoota Base Hospital says that’s largly incorrect.

“If a 73-year-old smoker came in with the Hubei spicy lung and needed a ventilator, I’m not about to rip it out of a 25-year-old,” she said.

“That retired judged should be happy with 73. That’s a lot for a smoker.”

More to come.


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