Prominent Betoota cabbie, Ambrose Mason (68) has today been let go from his job at Diamantina Taxis, after revelations that he had fallen short in his quota of spreading untrue and hurtful rumours about local residents.

Once a promising talent in the town’s cab driving game, after 35 years on the job, Mr Mason’s employers say he’s just not up to it anymore.

“I’m not saying he’s too old for the job. He knows the town like the back of his hand…” says GM of Diamantina Taxis, Glenn Paterson.

“He’s just gone soft”

“When he first joined us back in the eighties, he was one of the real stars. If there was a murder in town, or a high-profile political scandal, he would be able to tell you exactly who was behind it without any solid evidence other than a gut feeling or his own secret agenda”

“But since then, he’s started minding his own business, and is now simply providing a service that gets people from A to B when they don’t have a car”

“It’s not good enough”

“We don’t just want our drivers to provide a clean and efficient transport service. We want them to be gossipy little bitches”

Speaking to The Betoota Advocate today, Mr Mason says he hadn’t received one official complaint or warning that would have suggested he was slipping when it came to his duty of telling complete strangers that the mayor was fucking his wife’s sister.

“This came completely out blue” he says.

“About six different people were investigated for arson due to my misinformation last bushfire season”

“Apparently that’s not good enough”

The local branch of the ACAB (The Union For Australian Cabs And Bus Drivers) have been quick to rush to the embattled cabbie’s defence by demanding he receive a severance package at the very least – after a lifetime of service to the people of Betoota.

However, according to the Queensland Roads and Maritime Service’ taxi driver handbook , all regional cabbies must engage in spreading life-ruining small town gossip like wildfire – especially when they are driving around passengers who are new to town.



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