ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister has told journalists today in Canberra that he thinks the proposed federal corruption watchdog should be a 14-year-old pug that’s pretty much fucked.

Scott Morrison said he knows the dog well, it’s owned by a Kirribilli pensioner and he frequently walks past it in the neighbourhood.

“It has quite obvious breathing problems,” he said.

“You can hear every breath it takes. God, just being alive would be torture for that thing! But yeah, look. Just because it’s old and fucked and on the way out, doesn’t mean it wouldn’t make a good watchdog,”

“I’m pretty sure it’s still got a few teeth. They’re little but very sharp. I’ve seen it chow down on a piece of its own shit before and it make short work of it. Anyway, enough about this federal corruption watchdog,”

“Does anybody want to see Mathias Cormann here try to cram this dead Noisy Minor into his mouth?”

All the reporters present there indicated that they did.

More to come.


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