In a shock turnaround, Minister Of Home Affairs Peter Dutton has signed off on the visas for up to a dozen of the West African country’s Commonwealth Games athletes who have not returned home, after it was made clear to him that they were all working as au pairs for friends of his in Ascot and Noosa.

Just days ago Peter Dutton had warned the Cameroonian overstaying their Games’ visas would be found and deported, although some have reportedly received bridging visas after claiming asylum.

In the last week allegations of torture, arbitrary detention and attacks on civilians by security forces, suppression of freedom of speech and the media, and continued criminalisation of LGBTIQ+ people were raised against the Cameroon Government at the United Nations, but it was not these findings that managed to sway the decision making of Peter Dutton. It was that the AWOL athletes made themselves available to help raise the children of Liberal voters.

The West African country created from merging French and British colonies is wracked by civil conflict between the Francophone majority and Anglophone minority, as well as incursions by terrorist group Boko Haram, however none of these claims by the terrified athletes was able to bring about an empathetic perspective in Peter Dutton.

Even after being told that the UN estimates over 160,000 people have been displaced by violence in Cameroon since 2016, Dutton was still informing his listeners in Sydney’s North Shore that he would be ’rounding up’ these people.

That was until he received a phone call from prominent Brisbane stockbroker and Liberal Party donor, Angus Botha-Hugotingley.

“Ah say, Peter, old chap” said Angus.

“Enjeck made a hell of a weightlifter, but we’ve just never had a wet nurse like this”

“What are the chances of letting these young fellas stay? They have come as a massive convenience to the rest of us here on Racecourse road”

It is believed that within a couple of hours of the phone call, Dutton approved several new visas using his ministerial discretion powers.



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