31 October, 2016. 18:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
TROY CAMBERWELL HASN’T HAD A cheeky Tuesday buzz on since last year’s Melbourne Cup, when on the following Thursday, he was forced to resign from his marketing managerial position at a mid-level boutique agency in a light-industrial-zoned suburb of South Sydney.
Not because he got a bit too pissed and gave a colleague a piece of his mind.
Not because he made a total cunt of himself in front of senior management – and not because he caused a scene.
The 52-year-old corporate ladder climber was forced to resign because he got blind enough to put his tie around his head and sniff the seats of all nine of his female co-workers – which was simply beyond the pale according to his former bosses.
Now working in a similar position on the other side of town, Camberwell says he’s planning to spend the rest of the afternoon picking out which tie he plans to have around his head by lunch tomorrow.
“I’ve made a promise to myself not to sniff any chairs this year,” said the Capricorn.
“But I will have my tie around my head at some point, which is a Melbourne Cup tradition of mine. It should be a great day, provided I can control myself.”
Troy’s advice is a warning to all, that getting too carried away at an office Melbourne Cup party and sniffing chairs can be quite detrimental to one’s future career ambitions.
It’s a stigma that stays with you for a lifetime, says Troy.
“I might have slipped up in the past, but I won’t let my serious character and personal flaws define me as a person.” he said.
As a Western Australian I found this story completely risible and typical of the lack of talent and adventurousness commonly found amongst people who are given an unrealistic share of GST revenue and then told to find new and innovative ways to waste it.
Our own Troy – on whom this story is no doubt modelled, if placed in a similar circumstance, would have had sex with the tie, would have crashed the chair he was attempting to drive home into several other parked chairs and denied having done it, would have inappropriately sniffed the management team that subsequently attempted to sack him and then honked in their trouser pockets, would have parked a coil in his boss’s computer CD drive and then fired it up, and still fronted-up the next day to a committee investigating his behaviour and demanded a promotion. These sorts of second-rate “party boy” antics you divulge here may be considered the height of laddish carry-on over east, but they would have had this nonentity classified as nothing more than a poofter with attitude in a state like ours where drunken, stupid behaviour is not only enshrined in statute, it is considered every man’s patriotic duty to perform.
For your information, our Troy moved on from his previously well-publicised excesses to be both CEO and headline act with ‘Cunts ‘R Us’, a rapidly expanding entertainment business specialising in politically-connected corporate shows which has its registered address listed as the abandoned South Fremantle power station, and which has also been the subject of a number of long-running and discreet police enquiries. THAT is what a proper “lad”, brought up in a nurturing and supportive environment, can achieve. Imagine what is possible if we could only get a decent share of GST money.