Canberra’s influx in high quality synthetic drugs over the last 12 months has been directly linked to the Federal Government’s recent anti-science sentiments and budget cuts.

A mass shake-up in funding and staff numbers at the CSIRO has led to highly educated individuals forced to seek income from alternative methods.

It is believed nearly 20-30 of the scientists sacked last year have taken up the lucrative opportunity.

Former Climate Researcher Wallie Grey, said that it’s not an ideal outcome, but using his chemistry knowledge for the financial gain of his family was a no-brainer

“Yeah manufacturing drugs may be considered dirty money, but fuck me dead. I studied for two decades to gain specific scientific skills useful for furthering the future of mankind, which apparently doesn’t mean shit,”

“So can you blame a bloke?” he said.

“Plus, the cash is way better. I’m taking the kids to Europe in a month or so. A slight upgrade from the camping trip down to Jervis Bay.”

Despite previously earning a living from similarly immoral lines of work, Malcolm Turnbull has condemned the industry.

“These scientists should not have to resort to this” he said.

“they should be focusing on finding a way to report on the environment that is in line with our national interests, such as coal and heating up sea waters”

However, it is believed most of the politicians in Canberra have zero interest in zeroing in on the drug ring as the high-quality products are at more affordable prices than ever.

One off-the-record Liberal Senator confirmed that it’s a bloody “win-win” for everyone.

“So long as they keep the ice clean enough for the junkies to stay out of sight…”

“Good drugs are undeniably associated with good behaviour from users”


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