Federal politician Matt Canavan has today revealed that he can only remember as far back as 11 years ago, when he was salvaged, near death, from the ocean by an Italian fishing trawler – suffering total amnesia with a several gun shot wounds to his neck.

These revelations follow the news that the Queensland Senator has resigned, as the third Australian member of the Federal Senate in as many weeks, to be caught up by section 44 of the Constitutionon which permits members of parliament to be citizens of Australia and renounce any other citizenships.

In this particular case, the senator has been exposed by his own mother as someone carry Italian citizenship, which is a particularly difficult thing to attain, especially at 25, and especially without your knowledge or consent.

Canavan yesterday announced he had only just found out he had been bestowed Italian citizenship without his knowledge or consent – and that he puts it down to the fact that he had recuperated on in the mediterranean sea in 2006 suffering from total amnesia, without identity or background… except for a range of extraordinary talents in arguing, linguistic skills and self-defense that speak of a dangerous past as an Italian, or possibly a young liberal.

“I had no idea of my dual citizenship,” he says.

“When I woke up on that fishing trawler eleven years ago, all I had was a laser pointed lodged in my hip with the log-in details to a Swiss bank account, as well as a broad Central Queensland accent”

“I carried with me a distinct skill set for populist arguing and climate change denying, so naturally I joined the Liberal National Party of Australia”

While many within the Coalition are currently blaming Canavan’s mother, who is a much easier scapegoat than the man himself, the ALP is currently the only major party who are good enough at digging dirt to avoid this kind of embarrassment.

Pauline Hanson says that although she did marry a Polish refugee at 16, she’s pretty certain she is 100% Aussie.



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