Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today spoken about the proposed changes to the university funding model, revealing a commitment to ‘relevant degrees.’

The man who graduated from a degree majoring in Economic Geography explained that his government plans to fix the very broken university sector by simply doubling the fees of ‘leftie’ degrees that people in his government don’t think are relevant.

“Mate, you know me, I don’t like to speak too much about my past,” explained the man who studied something very made-up sounding and never references the fact he grew up in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs.

The Federal Government looks set to have gained the support it needs to change the way funding is allocated, with South Australia’s Centre Alliance confirming their support for the bill that already boasts the support of One Nation.

Education Minister and Arts Graduate Dan Tehan explained the changes are necessary to stop a glut of graduates finishing degrees with low job prospects – something which the Federal Government believes should be the sole purpose of attending university.

“International Relations was relevant when I studied it,” explained the career politician about his ladder up a policy that seems in no way designed to fix the tertiary education sector which has become a full-blown profit-driven industry.

“Anyway, rather than actually sitting down with stakeholders and trying to develop a long term plan for the university sector, we think it makes sense to just double Arts degrees in a dogwhistle to our voters.”

More to come.


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