ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

One of our town’s most colourful patrons of the local arts scene recently appeared on the popular lifestyle programme ‘Grand Designs’ and while he was gasbagging on the show, he had the fucking hide to say it was challengeing.

Aside from the obvious issues for finding enough quality tradesmen, Morris Galpooley AM explained to The Advocate this afternoon over a small smorgasbord of name-brand Scotch Fingers and tea from T2 that building your dream home isn’t ‘all sunshine and lollypops’.

“Oh, it was taxing,” he said.

“If I were you, I’d never do it. Like everyone that has the honour of being featured on Grand Designs, we went terribly over-budget. Almost two million dollars over in the end,”

“But the fights I had with Glenda, my wife Glenda, over everything from paints to appliances to floor coverings, in the end, it was just a giant compromise that neither of us are truely happy with. Which is a shame because it was MY FATHER who earned the money to make all of this possible so I guess that counts for nothing,”

“In the end, it was very challeneging. But deep down, I’m glad we did it in the end. You don’t know who you really are until you renovate a house!”

Our reporter asked The Advocate’s mailroom attendant, Graham, if he feels the same way.

Graham has essentially been working for washers here for decades, thanks in part to a predatory enterprise agreement he signed with The Advocate’s owners (The Overell Family and the Chinese Communist Party).

“No,” said Graham.

“I think I’d have fun building my own home to retire in. First of all, I just want a nice spare room and a room to write in. I’d like to write a novel before I die. Perhaps when I retire. Anyway, I’d like a double garage and a tinny to pull horse-sized cod out of the Diamantina. Nothing special, like maybe an AV Jennings monstrosity? McMansion style. I’d like that,”

“Close to the lake.”

More to come.


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