13 December, 2016. 17:43

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

AFTER HAVING HIS breath stole time and time again by the Fast & Furious franchise, one V8 Supercar fan has been quick to defend his favourite ‘film series’ when other members of society label them ‘movies’.

“They’re not movies, they’re films. They offer so much more than say, Home Alone or Schindler’s List. They offer character development, engaging plotlines and occasion, but ultimately well-paced nudity,” explained Darryl Nippman.

“They are Shakespearean”

The 29-year-old semi-professional tyre retreader lashed out at one movie goer last year, who after walking out of Bridge of Spies, rolled his eyes at the growing queue of punters lining up to see Furious 7.

“He was asking for it,” explained Nippman. “So I just bombed the cunt right there in the middle of the lobby. They’re fucking films, mate.”

Nippman’s sentiments have been echoed by a number of other convicted criminals who don V8 Supercar team shirts and jackets out of season and in public.

Speaking to The Advocate earlier this morning, a Lithgow man agreed that risking prison time and hefty fines to defend the Fast & Furious franchise from intellectuals is well worth it.

Dennis Colon took time off work when the late Paul Walker powerslid into a tree and died. He also received counselling when Eric Bana crashed his deluxe XB Falcon in the Targa Tasmania.

“Do you know what a movie is?” asked Colon. “It’s something that entertains you. It’s like a cigarette for your brain. It doesn’t move you or make you sad and shit like that.”

“The Fast & Furious films are just that. Works of art.”

More to come.


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