ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Dennis Gooch-Stroker is sanguine about the Sunday afternoon binge-drinking-session he’s about to have. Not because he’s concerned about under-performing at work on Monday.

Not because he really should be doing something more constructive at his age – but because he’s about to turn up at the boys’ house with two boxes of throwdowns.

It’s not the first time the 32-year-old Hawaiian-born insurance broker thought he was getting the bargain of the century down at the bottle shop. Late last year, he rocked up to a kick-ons with two cartons of piss he got for under $60 bucks.

“I can’t believe I’ve done it again,” said the Sagittarius. “These little beers are for children. If this was France, which is the worst place on Earth, by the way, these tiny stubbies would be in kids lunchboxes.”

“Yeah, but nah, mate. They should make it a lot clearer that you’re buying throwdowns. Fuck, the grinning jackboot-wearing pervert behind the counter down my bottlo should ask you if you really want them before you whip out the plastic, joog.”

However, the jackboot-wearing pervert has hit back at Gooch-Stroker, saying that any goon who thinks you can buy a box of piss for $28 under this oppressive government deserves what they’re getting.

“Yeah, I know that bloke. I think he was shaken a bit too hard as a baby,” she explained. “Like he doesn’t realise that he’s bought throwdowns until his mate’s start hanging shit on him for getting them. Then, he tries to fill the empty ones back up with water and jam the lid back on so he can ‘return’ it for a carton of big boy stubbies.”

“He’s an enigma, that’s for sure.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here