Former and soon-to-be-reinstated Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce’s proud New Zealand heritage was on display for all last night, after confidently winning the New England by-election that was called after the he was disqualified from Parliament for being a dual citizen.

Upon hearing the results, which, at the earliest count, indicated that Joyce had won 62% of the primary vote in the North-West NSW seat – the National Party icon took in a deep breath, before breaking into a powerfully majestic Kapa o pango

“TARINGA WHAKARONGO!!!” screamed Mr Joyce, the opening lyrics to the traditional All Blacks haka – which can be translated to ‘listen up now’

“Kia rite! Kia rite! Kia mau!” [Get ready, line up, hold fast]

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull, who was present for the war-cry’ says he was ‘blown away’ by Joyce’s proud cultural rituals.

“In fact, we are too successful at being multicultural. And it’s starting to do my head in. Half these morons working under me aren’t even Australian”

“That includes Barnaby – this has been a very expensive exercise. But yes, it’s good to see he’s carried these cultural rituals with him even after renouncing his Kiwi citizenship”

MPs will this week declare information about their citizenship and parents’ background as part of a new disclosure regime, while senators have already submitted their declarations.Mr Joyce’s win will increase the Government’s numbers in the Lower House to 75, but the citizenship saga is still playing out.

It is believed Barnaby Joyce will be re-sworn in as Nationals leader and Deputy Prime Minister by close of business today, everyone has been urged to forget that he was forced to resign for a little while.


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