5 February, 2017. 13:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The predominantly working-class suburb of South Paddington has been in lockdown this weekend as thousands of private school old boys descend on the area for the annual rugby dress-up weekend at the Sydney Football Stadium.

Woollahra Council’s efforts to make the nearly tree-lined streets and roads alcohol-free zones have failed once again to contain the young men and women from spilling out into surrounding areas.

Local police report they’ve found the elusive eastern suburbs private school boy as far west as Newtown and most shockingly, north of the Harbour Bridge.

“Luckily for authorities and security staff, these over-privileged trouble makers are quite easily to spot among the general public,” said Rose Bay police spokesman Det. Sergeant Max Frogworth.

“A lot of them are wearing dresses this year, as we’ve heard that they enjoy docking with each other in Kippax Park between matches. We’re disappointed that we have to remind these intelligent future leaders of the country that docking in public is very illegal. Wait until you get back to the disabled toilet of the pub closest to your private school, where you’ll inevitably end up, and dock there.”

The event’s organisers were also asked to remove ‘Stylo‘ by Gorillaz from the ground playlist.

An anonymous survey carried out by those caught and convicted of possessing cocaine at last year’s event all said they didn’t feel like getting some nose beers until they heard that song come on over the PA.

The Advocate reached out to a number of handsome, well-educated private schoolboys at the event but upon realising we didn’t have any nosé, they moved on.

More to come.


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