A lovely natured American woman who decided her one true calling was moulding the minds of innocent children through maths and literacy says she’s quite excited about the new changes in her job description meaning that she is required to carry a machine gun.

“I’m excited about the new challenges that present themselves in my career” said the chirpy 21-year-old, Ms Meredith.

“My number one passion will always be educating, but I look forward to pulling back the bolt on my state-issued Kalashnikov an unload a mag into the brain of a mentally unwell young man in front of my students”

This comes after US President Donald Trump has proposed arming teachers and sports coaches, and using armed former military personnel to provide school security, after meeting with survivors of last week’s deadly school shooting in Florida.

The meeting included six students from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, where 17 people were killed on February 14 by a gunman with an AR-15 semi-automatic assault rifle in the second-deadliest shooting at a US public school.

Despite having no military training whatsoever, and a city council that can’t even afford new textbooks, Ms Meredith says she is confident that she carries the muscle memory and instinct to take take down a school shooter.

“I am pretty confident in my ability to be able to end someone’s life before they shoot me or any of my students.”

When asked if she was worried that the militarising of America’s school system might affect her ability to teach, Ms Meredith just laughed.

“Haha. This is what I signed up for”


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