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Australians are today left confused and uncertain of just how to express to others their level of happiness. Traditionally, Aussies would refer to the happiest bloke in Australia, Larry, commonly known from the now global colloquialism, ‘happy as Larry’. However, in a devastating turn of events, Larry is no longer emotionally equipped to carry the country’s mental state on his shoulders.

Larry, who was born at Betoota Base Hospital, spoke to our reporters earlier today to explain what lead to this unforeseen paradigm shift. The Advocate would like to issue a warning, that the following may upset some readers.

“I [sobs] I found [clears throat] I found my wife in bed with Davo this morning.” Revealed Larry, as his head fell into his hands.

“How could she do this to me? We were both so happy”

According to our sources, Larry’s wife, Sally, wasn’t as happy as Larry. They say she had been struggling with the pressure of living up to Larry’s high happiness standards and it was only a matter of time before she cracked.

Expert colloquialist, John Smythe, has already experienced the ramifications of Sally’s infidelity, he explains.

“Just yesterday a bloke said to me he was as happy as a lamp. What’s next?” questioned John, with panic creeping into his voice.

“Something has to be done before things get too out of hand.”

The Advocate understands that Smyth is holding auditions for potential Larry replacements, and is even helping break the glass ceiling by opening up the position to women – a role that has never before been accessible for females.

More to come.



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