KENT REGINALD | Scandals | CONTACT
A local 24 year old woman is freaking the fuck out right now after discovering that she is now the same age as Rachel Green was when beloved sitcom ‘Friends’ first started in 1994.
Belinda Toomes, an artisanal blogger from Betoota’s eastern suburbs, was rewatching the iconic series on Stan this weekend when she made the connection, and the revelation has reportedly left her more stunned than ‘that time Ross found out about Chandler and Monica’.
“I just can’t believe it”, said Ms. Toomes, speaking/panicking from a local cafe she affectionately calls ‘Central Perk’, despite it’s real name being ‘Gloria Jeans’.
“There I was, sitting there watching the first season for the 17th time this year, when all of a sudden they mention that Rachel is 24! That’s my age! This is so fucked!”
“How the hell am I the same age as Rachel?? She starts the season by almost getting married! Aren’t their laws against child weddings??”
“I mean, it just doesn’t make any sense! All of the ‘Friends’ are like, fully grown adults with jobs and stuff. I can’t be the same age as them! I spend most of my day watching 20 year old sitcoms on local streaming sites!”
Ms. Toomes claims that the realisation that she’s actual the same age as a human adult has completely thrown her personal life plans into disarray.
“What am I even doing with my life??? I mean, I always said, by the time I was Rachel’s age and finally a grown up, I would be living in New York in an unrealistically large apartment that I could easily afford despite being a terrible waitress at a largely unremarkable coffee place, before making the natural career shift to high-functioning fashion executive”
“All of that is just unrealistic now!”
Ms. Toomes is hoping that despite the setback, she still has time to take control of her life and to get her dreams back on track.
“Luckily, I still have about 8 years before I have to have a baby with a best friend/former lover of mine. So it’s not all bad news”