After one week in London Town, Uncle Tony Abbott has grown homesick for his family back in the Northern Beaches of Sydney.

As the British Government’s new Trade Advisor, the Former Australian Prime Minister turned Special Envoy For Indigenous Affairs turned unemployed baby boomer has finally found his feet.

However, as it became very clear during his first week in the new job, Uncle Tony very much intends to use his new role as a platform for his radical ideologies around black empowerment in both Australia and around the world.

It is for this reason, that the respected Warringah elder has found his time at Westminster quite lonely.

With the Notting Hill Festival cancelled due to social distancing, Uncle Tony has searched high and low for a party where people can actually dance.

The whitewashed streets and hallways on the north bank of the River Thames aren’t anything like back home, forcing Uncle Tony to push the boat out a bit to find some fellow black brothers and sisters.

After bouncing between the Jubilee and City Circle on the London tube, the 62-year-old eventually found himself traveling on the Victoria line – before he jumped out at Brixton Station.

“This is what I’m looking for” mumbled Uncle Tony as he stumbled up the stairs and saw the Caribbean heart of Brixton in all its glory.

Within hours, the UK Trade Advisor has befriended a crowd of Jamaican Rastafarians who were educating him further on the history of British colonialism throughout both Africa and the West Indies.

That is nuh gud, mun” said Tony, immediately adopting the ‘Ja-faking’ accent.

“You know, I’m taking these bastards down from the inside” he told them, while finishing his plate of jerk chicken.

“Boris thinks I’m on his team hahaha”

“I’ll have to tell you fullas more about how I plan to orchestrate the entire commonwealth… But first, lets dance”

“Come Mr. Dj song pon de replay”


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