The United States Presidential election is completely rigged, according to a man who believes that WWE wrestler ‘The Undertaker’ is a supernatural ghost who has returned from the dead to compete in a televised arena.

Martin Kolwowski (55) says it’s obvious that Crooked Hillary has rigged this election in her favour because he can’t fathom that other people would share any political views that don’t align directly with his.

In October this year, Mr Kolwowski paid 50% of his monthly household budget to attend a live WWE show in his hometown of Raleigh, North Carolina. He says at least wrestling is entertaining, not like the Obama Presidency.

“Obama is just another politician. In fact, when I think about it. Every President we’ve ever had has been a politician. That’s why Trump is different. He is more like a wrestler”

Kolwowski adheres to the belief held by the Trump campaign that the Democratic party has been involved in “election rigging” for months, and blames the “dishonest and distorted media” and the “Clinton machine” for the Republican’s slide in battleground states in the polls.

“If you can’t see it, you’re a moron” he says, while drinking a 1.25 litres of Coca-cola out of the bottle.

“Crooked Hillary and Barack Hussein Obama are rigging this thing”


  1. You read it here first.
    Pauline Hanson to lead first cultural understanding and reconciliation mission with President elect Trump at site of proposed Mexican wall.
    “We need fresh approaches” said Ms Hanson during her weekly cultural immersion visit at an Ipswich mosque.


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