LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

During a glorious backyard session, junior accountant Lincoln Moore, decided to twist his stubbie open beneath the table so that his mates couldn’t see he was opening it through his shirt.

After scrounging around for a tea towel in the kitchen, Moore was forced to abandon his plans as other drinkers came in and tried asking for a bottle opener instead.

“That’s a twist top mate.”

Faking surprise, Moore made his way outside, pretending to twist open the bottle as he went. Upon making it into the backyard, Moore discretely tried to twist open his wet bottle of beer, tearing his soft palm to a bloody pulp as he did.

Unsure of what to do and now sporting an injury, Moore made his way back into the kitchen where his attempts to pry open the twist top only saught to warp the unyielding bottle top.

“It’s just because it’s wet. Fucking hell, I think I made it worse.”

Quickly hiding his feeble attempts to ingest alcohol, Moore returned to the outdoor table where he finally managed to twist open bottle beneath the table, tearing a hole the size of a 20 cent piece in his shirt as he did.

Adding further humiliation to the story, it has since been confirmed the bottle Moore had trying to open was in fact a Pure Blonde, which had almost gone warm by the time he was able to drink it.



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