Channel Seven’s problem child, former celebrity chef turned conspiracy cultist, Pete Evans is in a stable condition this evening after firing up an oxy-fuel welding torch without wearing the appropriate PPE.

While renovating his new underground bunker in the Tweed Rivers, Pete Evans tried his hand at a bit of boilermaking.

The decision to not hire a professional or at least seek advice from one was an easy one for Pete Evans to make.

As someone who was able to learn more than every single doctor in the world by simply using YouTube, Pete Evans was easily able to convince himself that he was up to the task of fabricating his bunker door shafts with the white flame of a blowtorch.

However, due to Pete Evans well-known political opposition to wearing masks, the gateway-paleo is now suffering permanent blindness and carbon monoxide poisoning.

This comes less than a day after he removed controversial posts from social media that suggested people in Victoria shouldn’t wear masks.

Pointing out he’s no legal expert, the celebrity chef shared some information passed on to him by similarly deranged armchair experts.

“Free legal advice to all Victorians,” he said in the now deleted Facebook post.

“Don’t wear a mask. Get a $200 fine then elect to have it determined in court.

“Every single one of you 6.359 million Victorians can challenge the fines in court.

“The Victorian Government won’t fight you in court. It’s far too expensive for them to do so.”

At time of press, Pete Evans was refusing to allow doctors to remove the shards of metal currently lodged in his eyeballs – accusing them of trying to force their archaic allied medicine mind control upon now severely injured face.



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