Brisbane’s disturbing new trend of tattooed white men going wild with guns has been met with a full-blown erection by a local Channel 9 field reporter, Zac Archdale.

Upon hearing the earliest reports of today’s siege, the ambitious 25-year-old instantly felt blood rushing to the tip of his penis as he envisioned being the first on the scene to document the extremely volatile situation where lives were at risk.

“Fuck I hope he’s got someone in there with him” he whispers to himself after learning that a custody battle had gone sour enough for someone to entertain the idea of either going to jail for 25 years or being killed in a hail of police bullets.

“Any word on where his kids are” the reporter asks over the switchboard operator

“I’m on my way!”

“Hopefully they don’t put any bullets into him until I get there”

The ‘siege city’ has made headlines over the last few years as more and more men ‘flip off the handle’ and lock themselves into their houses, either alone or with some other poor prick, and begin waving a gun around.

With the great South-East gradually becoming more and more desensitised to this occurrence, media outlets are encouraging their reporters to make their coverage as exciting as possible.

“It’s so unfair that Sydney got to have a Muslim bloke with a gun” says Nine content direct, Saul Lesprick.

“Martin Place is the only siege anyone remembers. We have one every week but these blokes are either bogan divorcees or junkies. They definitely don’t get a press conference from the Premier”

“This one could be pretty spicy. I’m not sure about the suburb’s demographics but if he’s got a bit of pepper in him… We might be able to put a good spin on this one”



  1. That’s not nice, boys. You’ve got no proof of him having an involuntary erection.
    You’re lucky Packer’s dead. This is a new low in gutter journalism and you don’t even have gutters in Betoota. Were you boys kicked off the Melburne Truth?.


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