On the outskirts of town, The Betoota Railway Hotel is home to some of the more questionable local figures such as disgruntled ex-coppers and bikies who only deal hard drugs.

Amongst the flotsam and jetsam of Betoota’s underbelly sits a dark-haired man of 30, who is often seen sitting alone in a corner booth brooding over a glass of whiskey.

Determined to find out the mysterious workings of the enigmatic whiskey drinker our reporting team moved in to interview the young man and find out whether it was a deal-gone-wrong or ache of a broken heart that drove him to intense solo drinking.

“Just felt like getting out of the house,” said the human embodiment of a question mark.

“Long day. Long, long day. I need to change jobs. I can’t do IT forever. Lucas is driving me mental with his intermittent fasting.”

The mysterious man then introduced himself as Mathew Smith, stating he prefers Mathew or Matt but never Smiddy as that’s what his brother gets called.

Our reporters then observed Smith hoping he would soon dead drop a briefcase full of cash or break up a fight without spilling his drink but no such event occurred. At one point Smith was seen making a note in a small booklet before crossing it out quickly with a vague explanation. 

“I thought I needed milk. But I don’t, I just remembered I’m probably going to take a break from dairy actually.”

“Are you sure you guys didn’t want a drink too?”

As probing from our reporters continued, it appeared Smith was unlikely to be a double-crossed PI with a penchant for destruction but was more likely to be an office worker who prefers drinking in pubs to drinking at home because at home there’s not other people to judge.

“How was everyone else’s day?”


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