Local bloke Donnie Thompson wants everyone to know that he has a big swinging dick.

Or at least, that’s what can be gleaned from his need to raise his schooner slightly higher than everyone else’s during a round of cheers.

What should have been an opportunity to congratulate his mate’s promotion has instead turned into a silent dick swinging contest, which has been duly noted and challenged by his peers.

Sharing a quick glance amongst themselves, it’s alleged the resident males formed an agreement within a matter of seconds, to bring Donnie down a much needed peg or two – lest he ends up picking up all the available women with his clear assertion of dominance.

The shift in energy was allegedly not picked up on by the women at the table, but the sudden rapid-fire of snarky comments aimed Donnie’s way was impossible to miss.

It’s alleged the comments centred on Donnie’s strategy of always wearing caps to mask a receding hairline, his inability to binge drink alcohol at the same pace as his contemporaries, and his penchant for going into toilets instead of urinals which proved ‘he definitely sat down to piss.’

It was only after Donnie reacted like a sook to his status as alpha male being challenged that his mates finally waved the white flag in the form of buying him another drink – which later turned out to be a Cosmopolitan cocktail.

More to come.


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