17 October 2016. 10:25


A high-end hotel in Sydney’s CBD has spent over six hours under siege by an radical chicken-wing movement of dietary extremists.

The six hour ordeal, which has been dubbed ‘The Search For Australia’s Most Ordinary Rig’ by mainstream outlets, saw over 400 patrons of the exclusive Ivy Pool held hostage by the voluptuous male culprits.

Further reports found that the 10 suspected extremists also drank for free all day, on a bar tab. A world first for unattractive people at this particular venue.

Over $10,000 was raised for charity as the organisation, Swimwear Brand Budgy Smuggler, negotiated pale, rotund and generally unattractive Australian males into performing in talent shows and karaoke.

One of the hostages, Sarah (19) spoke to The Betoota Advocate this morning.

“No one got hurt. Which was a good thing. Although I do think there was some severe sun burn,”

“I kind of enjoyed having my afternoon at the Ivy hijacked by a bunch of rotund former club rugby greats,”

“I’m really into the dadbod thing,”

The security guards were evenutally able to vacate the venue of the intimidating body types, a winner was announced in the shape of Mt. Isa resident, Dingo Dan Leyden.

“This is pathetic, but I love it,” he said to a roaring crowd who had eventually developed stockholm syndrome.

“I got a free weekend on the piss in Sydney. I’m the champ!”

Budgy Smuggler have also announced plans to host a billboard in Mt Isa, declaring it home of Australia’s Most Ordinary Rig.




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