When someone completely uproots their entire career and social life and moves to a lesser known beach near Byron Bay, it usually isn’t that big of a concern.

They could be a rich divorcee from the city who doesn’t need to work again and likes the smell of incense.

They could be an early twenties girl who transferred her university degree to Lismore after she fell in love with a metalcore-playing local lad.

In fact the only time a Byron transition can be a worry is when someone moves there for no reason other then the fact they are freaking out about their youth evaporating without people thinking they care about anything except money and his former high school social circles.

Unfortunately this is what is happening to former North Sydney rugby union prodigy turned stockbroker, turned parked-van-airbnb landlord, Hugo Kite.

After spending the last 15 years aspiring to be exactly like his twice-married venture capitalist father, Hugo is now really worried about plastic and living in Northern New South Wales.

He’s also been discreetly taking surfing lessons and is somehow playing back up guitar in a prominent Xavier Rudd-sounding band that plays at Cheeky Monkeys on Tuesdays at 4pm.

When asked if he keeps in contact with his old mates from school, Hugo says he doesn’t really identify himself with the elite private school system

“I don’t really know what they are all up to, hey” he says.

“I’ve been just chilling out, surfing, meeting real interesting people”

Hugo’s thinly-veiled attempt at extending his lap in the drug-charged casual sex fastlane by pretending to be woke isn’t lost on most, including the locals.

Byron publican, Jacko, says he’s not even bothering to learn Hugo’s name – that’s how certain he is that the 30-year-old trustfund baby will be leaving town when he officially hits creep-status.

“He will be back wearing a suit in Martin Place by the time his third high school mate gets married” says Jacko.

“That Aboriginal flag on the back of his motorbike will disappear when he has to start selling assets to pay off the mortgage on the unit he left back down south as well”




Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here