19 October 2016. 13:25


With the timing of Michael Clarke’s biography release, and subsequent 60 Minutes dogfest, experts have confirmed that the former captain of the Australian cricket side is not the type of bloke you’d like to go fishing with.

Local punter and die-hard Australian cricket fan, Travis (55) says he loves going fishing, but he’d rather go to IKEA with his non-English speaking mother in-law than ever take ‘pup’ out on the boat.

“Mate, look at this little poonce”

“Releasing his 60 Minutes tell-all the same week as the Phil Hughes inquest. What an opportunistic little cunt he is,”

“Fuck him. Give me an afternoon in IKEA with nonna any day over a beer with that little new money grub,”

Appearing on the Nine Network’s investigative news journalism program last Sunday night, the 35-year-old retired cricketer explained exactly how he felt about some of his former colleagues in an explosive, exclusive and controversial interview with Allison Langdon.

While referring to former team mates as ‘tumours’ and blatantly skimming over his incessant inability to stop chasing headlines, the perennial social-climber was criticised for ‘throwing mates under the bus’.

A recent survey by Neilsen has revealed that Clarke also fell outside the top five ex-Aussie cricketers you’d want at your BBQ, ranking lower than Shane Lee at #243

Another local punter, Yanni (35), says Michael Clarke is the type of bloke that would swap seats with a mate after a drunken car accident.

“He’s a dog mate. If I ever see that cunt trotting around Double Bay I’m gonna bark at it. He’s got the right fucking nickname I’ll tell you that much,”

“Woof Woof!”

“I’d rather run barefoot through the Waterloo housing commission than have to back a boat trailer with that little prick in my ear,”

“Fuck fishing with him would be the pits. I wouldn’t even want to make eye contact with him in traffic. Fuck him. He’s done a very good job at fucking up the legacy of our once great Australian cricket side.”

If you would like to buy a book that doesn’t involve dogging the boys. Please visit Booktopia for your very own pre-order of the Betoota Advocate Round-Up. In stores next week.


  1. I’d always wished Wests had traded the Clarke kiddie to Newtown instead of Tommy.
    A bit harsh on old Ugh Lee, at least he’d lob up with a pound or two of butcher’s bangers and a slab of Country Special on the shoulder.


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