CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
“FUCK!!!!” echoed down the quiet street, as a local commuter quickly tails out of a full blown sprint towards his bus.
The local man who’s severely sweating and out of breath next to an empty bus stand has confirmed to the Betoota Advocate that he absolutely did NOT want to catch that bus that just left as he ran towards it.< Barry O’Hamlin, a 28 year old account manager from Betoota Valley, is adamant that despite several onlookers spotting him running full tilt towards the bus screaming ‘WAIT, WAIT!!’ as it pulled out of the bus stop, he did not actually mean to catch the bus at all. “Look,I know what it looks like”, said Mr. O’Hamlin, while wheezing like a 85 year old asthmatic chain-smoker. “But I totally didn’t even want to catch that bus” "I mean, is that the bus that I take directly to work everyday? Sure. Does this mean I’m gonna be at least 40 minutes late to work today? Fine. Will I be fired and have to move back in with my mum and step-dad? Who can say." "But let me tell you one thing, I absolutely did NOT want to catch that bus. I mean, can you even imagine how ridiculous someone would look if they chased after a bus in their work clothes and it left anyway and all their efforts were for nothing? Haha, that would be so embarrassing for that completely fictional person!” When asked about why he was running towards the bus if he didn’t want to catch it, Mr. O’Hamlin had a simple explanation. “It’s all just misunderstanding, really. I was actually just going for a completely unrelated light jog, which just so happened to be in the same direction as the bus stop. Completely normal, nothing embarrassing” “I mean, if you ask anyone that saw, they would have seen me continue to jog a little past the stop even after the bus left. Obviously wasn’t running for the bus, haha." Mr. O’Hamlin also claims he was not screaming, but was in fact just trying to provide himself with some self-motivation as part of his exercise routine he apparently started for the first time today. "I wasn’t screaming WAIT, haha. I was just reminding myself that I have to lose WEIGHT, WEIGHT! Classic misunderstanding, again, haha” “Anyway, since I’m here at the stop, I might as well wait for the next bus. Uhh, not that I want to catch it or anything"