Under increasing pressure to step down from his role as Deputy Prime Minister and Leader of the National Party, Barnaby Joyce has today been reassured by his cousins that there will always be a job for him at the family’s Fadez franchise in Goodna, south-west of Brisbane.

Joyce’s extended family, who moved across the ditch from Whakastawha in the early naughties, say that should he find himself at a loose end, he would only be a six-week TAFE course away from his own chair at their popular hair styling salon.

“We take care of our own” said Little Joe, one of the cousins and co-owners at Fadez. “He can bed with all of us too, so he can still live rent-free”

Though being grateful for the offer, Mr Joyce said that since he’s somehow managed to remain in his current job after so many fuck ups, he’d be mad to just walk away from it.

“Shot cuz. I think I’m good for now” he said, in the thick Kiwi accent he trots out in front of the boys.

“I wouldn’t mind getting back in the chair though. Can you do me on of those mean patterns from the Facebook page?”


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