Malcolm Turnbull’s on and off lead over Bill Shorten as the preferred prime minister has come to a standstill, following the chaos that resulted from Barnaby Joyce’s  love-child scandal and blatant bias towards upper-middle class baby boomers with a new collection of coalition policies on the table,

The sharp drop in the Prime Minister’s personal ratings in the past month comes as Mr Turnbull approaches the benchmark 30 Newspolls behind Labor, which he set as a measure of failure when he challenged Tony Abbott for the leadership.

Following this news, former Prime Minister Tony Abbott appears to making moves to take back the throne, by doing exactly what it was that got him ousted in the first place.

Standing before a media scrum salivating at the thought of him criticising his party leader on camera, Abbott has brought with him his trusty set of eight Australian flags and started reminding everyone that it was him that made boat people dissapear into the night.

“I ahhh. Just want to say. Ahhh. Boats” said Abbott.

“Stop the boats. Boats, boats, boats, boats, ANZAC, respect the diggers. Defund the ABC. White South Africans. Footy. Mateship. Blokes”

“Apex gang”


As the crowd stirs, Abbott toys with whether or not he should whip out his draw four card. He goes for it.

“We should have listened to Pauline” he says.

It is not yet known whether or not Abbott has managed to create any ripples in his own party, or in the national psyche, as he is still being haunted by photographs of him attending his own sister’s gay wedding.


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