25 September, 2015. 15:35

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

[dropcap]L[/dropcap]IKE MANY DIRECTIONLESS young people, former PM Tony Abbott is considering taking an extended break, or a “gap year” on a working cattle station in northern Australia. His former friend turned casual acquaintance James Packer did something similar when he was 19, as his father Kerry sent him “up north” for being an entitled little private school cunt – something he hoped the Territory would straighten out. And it did.

After being publically embarrassed and had his life’s work dragged through the mud, Tony Abbott says he needs a fresh start.

“Look, I, ah, don’t really know where to start,” said Mr Abbott from his peasant-style brick home on Sydney’s upper north shore. “I’m looking at heading up to the gulf country, maybe even the Kimberly. Who knows at this stage. All I know is that I can’t stay at home – it’s driving me up the wall.”

Local pastoralist Jack Pearson from E.H. Pearson Cattle Company says he’d give the former politician a job, provided he wasn’t a “hopeless, dough-banging soft cock” like most New South Welshmen are.

“I’d give him a go, I give everybody a go,” said Mr Pearson. “But listen, joog. I’d let that bastard know directly if he was pulling his weight. By God I would bunge.”

In 2009, the Australian Bureau of Statistics found that 1 in 4 Australians is friendly with a person from Sydney’s North Shore that claims to know how to ride a horse. As Mr Abbott falls into that category, he’s already informed his prospective employers that he can handle any horse – from a wild Channel Country brumby to a Carlton United Clydesdale.

Mr Abbott knows full well that wearing a helmet while riding a horse on a cattle station is social suicide.

“Real cowboys don’t wear helmets, they wear hats,” said Abbott.

“Christopher Pine is the type of bloke who’d wear a helmet on a horse.”



  1. Mr Tony Abbott would be great at anything he does, he has proven this as Opposition Leader and Prime Minister. Mr Abbott is the first Prime Minister in Australian history to take a week off and spend it with Aborigines up North, eating their food and sharing their culture – I’d like to see the new dickhead PM Turnbull do this, not likely though, the Aborigines would eat him alive!! Anyway, Turnbull gets everything handed to him on a silver platter without having to do the “hard yards”, even the Prime Ministership!!!


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