The Turnbull government has announced today the they will be merging together ASIO, the Australian Federal Police, Australian Border Force and other agencies to create a super agency headed by a man who was unable to run an off-shore processing centre without people lighting themselves on fire.

Despite the fact that a number of his closest Liberal party allies are believed to oppose the idea, Prime Minister Turnbull says he’s very interested in creating a system similar to Britains. The newly proposed super-department is likely to mirror the Home Office in the United Kingdom which oversees all domestic security agencies and has success rate just short of the NSW Police.

Last week while visiting the UK, Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull said, “We’re always very interested in learning about the British experience”.

“I think I’ve got just the guy” he said.

“Peter Dutton has learnt from the whole self-immolation thing… Nauru and Manus are being handled quite well at the moment. Hopefully, they won’t exist in a few months”

“Plus he used to be a highway cop, so he’s probably the most qualified person in Parliament when it comes to catching terrorists”

The Australian Secret Intelligence Service (ASIS) is the overseas spy agency and is part of the Foreign Affairs Departmen and will not be moved into the super department – so as to not let Dutton touch the really shining things.

If Cabinet signs off on the changes, it is not clear hwhen any ministerial reshuffle would happen – but it would be significant enough to laugh in the face of Tony Abbott’s legacy of Border Force.


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