The Federal Member For Grayndler, Anthony Albanese says he doesn’t want to point fingers but he has a fairly good idea about who scraped a key down the side of his beloved Valiant Charger in the Parliament House car park yesterday afternoon.

Dubbed ‘The Marrickville Mercedes’ – the Valiant Charger has for several decades been a popular vehicle for young bucks in light industrial suburbs.

However, as was the case out many bottle shop carparks across the countries in the 80s and 90s, any disrespect shown towards this particular make of car can usually result in a punch in the head.

“Someone needs to own up to this” says Albo.

“I’ve got a lot of hardheaded mates at the bar of the Orange Grove in Balmain who’d gladly have a sniff around for me. But, I’d like ASIO to get to the bottom of it first”

It is rumoured that while Christopher Pyne was initially suspect number one in the keying of Albo’s whip, attention has now turned to the right-faction of the Labor party. This follows the Labor party’s quite blatant move to trotting out their greenest faces in an attempt to win back the inner-Melbourne seat of Batman in yet another citizenship-related by-election.

As Shorten’s poll numbers drop, the kingmakers are beginning to look to the husky Italian from the inner-west to lead the party into battle with Turnbull – leading many to believe that the vandalism of Albanese’s car may have come from the leader of his own party

“I don’t give a fuck who he’s mates with” says Albanese.

“I’ll give him the old Henson Park kiss if he wants to keep this shit up”



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