Local News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A group of Betoota roadside council workers have today concluded that the older bloke who has been put in charge of one of the utes has probably spent a bit of time in the nick. Their assumptions come from the fact that he smokes roughly one unfiltered, roll-your-own White Ox branded cigarettes every 15 minutes, also the...

6 February, 2016. 11:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact When leasing agent Lisa Ackorn found herself stumbling into Kevin Foster's bedroom early on Saturday morning, she knew she'd made a serious error in judgement. "If I knew he had a poster of those t.A.t.U girls pashing on his wall, I probably wouldn't have got in the cab," she said. "That and the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local insurance analyst, Luke Maestri, has spent the morning remembering the good old days when he and his mates would drink 660ml cans of Woodstock Bourbon and fight cunts. Despite living a sterile, white collar existence - Luke is having warm feelings in his loins as he thinks about when he was 'about that life'. These feelings, he says,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local cyclist, Anthony Loveridge (45) says inconsiderate drivers are plaguing his people. "We feel unsafe all the time. They never let us in, they drive too slow" While weaving through peak hour traffic on the way to his office, that doesn't have shower facilities, Anthony says he gets irritated by these obnoxious cars who sit just under the speed...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Imagine being ignored by your own mother. The person who brought you into this world. Imagine her looking at you, pretending like she had never seen you before in her entire life. That was the nightmare scenario that Marty Wilson, a 23 year old university student faced this week. Whilst studying an Arts degree at the University of Western...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Striding home with a gut full of piss sloshing around in his tummy, West Betootanese apprentice carpenter Ellis Liston spotted another suitably intoxicated punter stumbling back to his flat on the other side of Bjelkemander Park. In 2019 alone, there was nearly 40 muggings and seven stabbings in Bjelkemander Park in the space of six months -...

ESSIE BURKE | Lifestyle & Work | CONTACT Norris Walters spent decades feeling like a beta man but his fortunes changed when he landed a job with a swipe pass and a key to the stationery cupboard. A former customer service officer at South Betoota's motor registry, Mr Walters was promoted to regional manager last year when his predecessor died in a freak paper shredder incident. "The job has a few...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact According to the financial services industry, the more a young creative professional spends on a South American holiday, the more they save. That bit of sage advice is not what spurred Morgan Hatton to tackle the world's second-most dangerous continent - he looked his friends and family in the eye and said with a straight...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Local patriot, Sherman Burgent, says his poor interpersonal skills have nothing to do with the fact that he hasn't been invited to an Australia Day party. "These filthy lefties, mate" "Those whingeing soap-dodgers hate this country" Despite the fact that there are at least six Australia day parties happening in his extended social circle, Sherman hasn't gotten a bait...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia's beleaguered Aboriginal communities are particularly vulnerable to an array of social issues, however, nothing compares to the rise of flawless and very impressive wheelies, which seem to also have firm grip on the Indigenous youth. "They're deadly" says local jarjum, Braith Bridley (12). "My cousin, Jai did two whole laps of our block the other...