Local insurance analyst, Luke Maestri, has spent the morning remembering the good old days when he and his mates would drink 660ml cans of Woodstock Bourbon and fight cunts.

Despite living a sterile, white collar existence – Luke is having warm feelings in his loins as he thinks about when he was ‘about that life’.

These feelings, he says, come from the nostalgia associated with US rapper DMX. After playing an old playlist titled ‘GanGstA’ on his way to work this morning, Luke says he’s definitely still got love for the dog.

“Fuck. I feel like getting turnt up” he says.

“Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?!” he raps along to the lyrics of the the lead single from DMX’s fifth studio album Grand Champ.

“Really gets the blood pumping”

With his wife visiting her parents at the coast this weekend, with both kids, Luke is currently firing off a large amount of text messages to the boys – who also work in brain-numbing white collar jobs.

“Do you know anyone selling beans?” he asks on of our reporters.

“I wouldn’t have had a goog in ten years”

When asked if there is any chance that he will be involved in alcohol-related violence this evening, Luke says it all depends on where they go.

“We could go down and float around the RSL skate park like we used to. Bound to find a biff there”

“Either that or we’ll sit on the deck at Richie’s beachfront A-Frame. It’s very quaint”


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