Australia’s Mums Gear Up For The Onslaught Of Scented Candles Headed Their Way This Week
STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTAs Christmas edges closer, the nation's mums are gearing up for a the onslaught of unwanted scented candles thats coming their way, courtesy of a well-intentioned but slightly misguided gesture from their thoughtless offspring and ‘dearest’ family friends.
Yes it’s true. Scented candles have become the unwanted currency of appreciation this Christmas. It’s become the go-to gift for...
Decision Fatigue Plagues Woman As She Struggles To Pick Colour In High Octane Vietnamese Nail Salon
STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTLocal woman, Sophie Hughes, found herself in a gripping indecisive battle with herself at the nail salon yesterday, suffering from what experts have described as a severe case of "Decision Fatigue."
Upon sitting in the Pedicure chair at her local Vietnamese salon, Sophie was immediately overwhelmed when she was told to “pick a colour” by the nail technician...
Junior Colleague Plagued With Anxiety After Telling Coworkers What He Does For Fun At Xmas Party
STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTDespite the jolly ambiance of last Friday’s annual Christmas celebration, Tim Harris, a reserved 23-year-old office worker, found himself in adaunting predicament.
During a lighthearted game of 'Put A Finger Down,' Tim inadvertently disclosed his occasional expeditions into a less-than-conventional pastime — sending ripples of shock through the office Xmas party.
Tim, known for his shy nature, unleashed an...
Apprentice Rewarded Generously For Not Having A Family To Take On Holidays This Time Of The Year
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
As the worksites begin to thin out around the country, the only men left standing are the blokes who give a shit.
That's according to the builders anyway, as they attempt to meet to the pre-Christmas deadlines they have promised on these wildly inconsistent December jobs.
With millions of luxury work vehicles loaded with boogie boards and BMX bikes, the...
Sobering Return To Work Made Worse As Local Girl Discovers Ghosts of Cooked New Years Eve
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local girl is battling a serious case of head noise this morning, as she fronts up to the first day of the working year with little will to live.Sitting back at her office desk for the first time in three weeks, The Advocate can confirm the dream is all but over for local sales manager...
Clear Eyes Only Thing Resembling Medicine In All Boy Sharehouse
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA rather abstinent form of alternative medicine seems to be the go in a Betoota all boy sharehouse as the only thing they have resembling pharmaceutical goods is a well worn bottle of Clear Eyes.The sharehouse in question is a Betoota Ponds rental property with knee-high grass and a defaced sign that reads Devo Cunts instead of Devon...
Chinese Restaurant Dropping Rare Maroon 5 Acoustic Cut
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA local Chinese restaurant has flaunted some muso chops by casually dropping a rare Maroon 5 acoustic cut right in the middle of service.Responsible for representing several diverse cultures and cuisines in the monocultural Betoota Heights community, the Golden Tallis is known for providing what a now cancelled food critic once called ‘an absolute oriental feast’ alongside an...
Dodgy Real Estate Agency Hopes House Hunters Don’t Notice Furniture Clearly Ripped From Shutterstock
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA shonky local real estate agency has been at it again this morning, devising a bright new plan for cutting some further costs from their business.
After outsourcing the photography of properties to AirTasker and hiring a local orphanage to mow the lawns of houses up for sale, many Betoota locals have been wondering how a notoriously...
Bloke Who Regrets Southern Cross Tattoo Begins New Life As Brazilian
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTAs any young man from a regional town with a high unemployment rate ought to do, Trevor Cantor (35) got a Southern Cross tattoo as a teenager.Much like the cement works, Cantor has left his hometown years ago and has become much more leftwing ever since he paid someone else to make a coffee for him.“My uncles were...
Old Bloke Who Thought He Was Warren Buffett For Buying A House In 1972 Gets Bitcoin Scammed By A 23-Year-Old Punjabi Dude Who Speaks English As A Fourth Language
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
One of our town's greatest financial minds has fallen victim to a bitcoin scam this week, leading him to question his own assumptions about himself.
Back in 1972, David Gowings purchased a one-acre block in the French Quarter with a heritage four-bedroom Queenslander on it for $45,000. Because he was the son of some individual,...
