Local Creep Stands A Bit Too Close In Otherwise Empty Row Of Urinals
13 April, 2016. 10:15
MERV HARRIS | Contributor | CONTACT
In a bizarre turn, a local man chose to stand immediately next to another man at a row of vacant urinals in Betoota this afternoon.
Identified only by the Sydney Roosters tattoo on his wrist, the culprit took up the position at the otherwise empty bank of amenities in a quiet suburban pub early hours...
WOW! This Filthy Tap In The Slums Of Mumbai The Key To Instant Weight Loss
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
After amazing success in the UK, North America and Canada, the most effective new weight loss craze is finally making its way to Australia!
Everyone seems to be talking about Dharavi Tap Water Program! (also known as Spitty Bum Fat Burner) - It is said to be a “Dual Action Fat Buster” that suppresses appetite and prevents fat from...
Canned Air From Turnbull’s Electorate Goes On Sale In Western Sydney
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
THE ASPIRATIONAL CLASS OF WESTERN Sydney no longer has to drive out to the city's far-Eastern Suburbs to get some clean ocean air and a taste of the high life - thanks to two Vaucluse brothers who say they've come up with a novel way of giving the full one-percent experience for a fraction of...
Reclaim Australia Endorses Hillary Clinton For President Of The World
5 April, 2016. 18:15
PADDY MUNRO | Contributor | CONTACT
In a surprise move, local patriot Daryn Lynch passionately defended his support for US presidential candidate Hillary Clinton at the Pastorla Hotel last night.
The Reclaim Australia member had previously announced support for republican front-runner Donald Trump, but last night changed sides after learning of Clinton’s unimpeachable record of bullying Muslims.
“Mate I love trump’s wall idea, we...
George Christensen Calls For Royal Commission Into Why Sizzlers Keep Closing Down
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
George Robert Christensen MP has today called for a Royal Commission into why Sizzler outlets are closing down across Australia.
The rotund Member for Dawson has today announced that he can no longer remain silent over the fact that the nation's favourite all-you-can-eat restaurant chain is disappearing in front of our very eyes.
"The $14 dollar salad...
Uni Toilets Slammed For Promoting Dangerous Body Image With Unachievable Thigh Gaps
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
AS THERE'S NOW ALMOST THREE TIMES as many genders as there was twenty years ago, the current toilet signage found throughout the world is coming under fire from everyday people.
While being insensitive to melange sexualities and genders, the signs have also come under attack for not reinforcing a positive body image because of how...
DOUBLE DEMERITS: Police Targeting Drivers Listening To Darude’s Sandstorm
BRUCE BACHETTO | Traffic | CONTACT
Local police have warned they will be targeting drivers listening to trance this Easter break.
The ban, which specifically aims to prevent people from listening to Darude's Sandstorm while driving, will run until Tuesday - after a spade of incidents involving the popular 90's tune.
Shoalhaven man, Nathan Wells had a brush with death earlier this year...
Good Friday: Modern Day Jesus Gets Crucified By Cross Missus
25 March, 2016. 11:40
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
In what can only be described as an uncanny parallel to the biblical recount of Jesus Christ's death, local man Brent Yardy has been crucified by his cross missus today - not even 1985 years after a eerily similar experience was handed to the son of God.
Brent claims his girlfriend, Bess,...
Local Stockbroker Reconsidering Blind Faith In Malcolm Turnbull
23 March, 2016. 16:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
IN WHAT STARTED OUT in such dramatic and Fijian circumstances, now has all the hallmarks of a Labor-eque swan dive into political annihilation.
For countless years, hedge fund manager Bruce O'Gorman says he couldn't wait for his old friend Malcolm Turnbull become prime minister. The Member for Wentworth was supposed to herald...
Local Creep Will Miss Summer And The Bikini Facebook Photos That Come With It
22 March, 2016. 11:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
BE CAREFUL OF WHO YOU connect with on social media, because one day, you could end up friending somebody like Dennis McGuvy.
He has his favourites, then he has the ones he's saved to his external hard drive.
"Summer is truly a magical time for me," said Dennis, breathing heavily.
"People don't forget a...
