25 March, 2016. 11:40


In what can only be described as an uncanny parallel to the biblical recount of Jesus Christ’s death, local man Brent Yardy has been crucified by his cross missus today – not even 1985 years after a eerily similar experience was handed to the son of God.

Brent claims his girlfriend, Bess, became hostile over the fact that he had opened a can of beer at 11:00 am.

“She was really flogging me,”

“I mean, Jesus! It’s only one”

Many onlookers at the Yardy family gathering have sat in shock while the 33-year-old was put on the cross.

“It’s Good Friday, Brent! Where’d you even get that. All the Bottle-O’s are closed!”

The lashings continued in front of indifferent members of the family, until finally Brent’s father intervened with a drink of his own.

“I’m with Brent on this one, it’s never too early. Who’s up for a rum?”

Brent turned his head slowly to his loving Dad.

Father, into your hands I commit my spirit”

After a few too many rums, Brent was then put to rest in his man cave where he is expected to remain for three days.



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