Breaking News

12 July, 2016. 15:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IN STICKING WITH HIS plan for our future, prime minister Malcolm Turnbull has announced today that his Fibre to the Node dream for the National Broadband Network will go ahead, because bringing fibre into the home can cause autism. Autism from memes. Speaking today beside the communications minister, the PM outlined that there's...

11 July, 2016. 15:025 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact The already anxious Blues fan base were further rattled this morning after it was revealed that then increasingly unsuccessful NSW coach, Laurie Daley, was spotted yelling at several piles on dead rubber one a remote Coffs Harbour rugby league pitch yesterday morning. "It just didn't look right. There wasn't one player in sight," said...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THOUGH HE USUALLY does most of his self-loathing from the comfort of his own bedroom, local sad case Evan Bellmonty had a change of scenery over the weekend. His parents were growing uneasy with their son's growing detachment from society. The St Clare's College mid-winter Ball seemed like a great opportunity for young Evan to get out...

9 July, 2016. 11:05 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact New South Wales premier Mike Baird has announced plans to ban all ball pits in the state by 1 July, 2017. The decision follows an inquiry into the industry following revelations of some kids peeing in ball pits, and other one-off circumstances that suggest that toey high schoolers sometimes have sex in them. Baird has called for...

8 July, 2016. 09:30 MILO PATERSON | Tech & Gaming | Contact One Nation leader Pauline Hanson became enraged earlier today when she discovered the only obtainable Pikachu was located in a mosque on the virtual 'maps' feature of the new Pokemon GO app. Sources confirm that that controversial senator had been completing her Pokedex when she discovered the prize Pokémon was inside a South...

8 July, 2016. 12:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IN WHAT STARTED OFF AS just a casual catch-up drink at their local watering hole, two Betoota men soon discovered that they've both run a line through the same pleasant, but unstable woman. In 2010, Taylor Conway ran into Chloe Kennedy at an evening function at the Betoota beer pit behind the...

7 July, 2016. 11:35 MERV HARRIS | Local News | Contact Colleagues of Rowen Giddens at Betoota Accountancy were left in stunned silence this morning after Mr Giddens revealed he is currently struggling with a massive haemorrhoid, during a conversation in the office about footy. The group of workmates had been discussing the fight that Betoota Dolphins stalwart and crotch-grab merchant Matt Southwell had started...

6 July, 2016. 16:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact CONTROVERSIAL SENATOR-ELECT Derryn Hinch has revealed this afternoon that he's secured a backup liver just in case he wins a full 6-year term in the upper house. Speaking today at the Sydney's Powerhouse Museum, where his original liver has been on display since 2013, the 72-year-old Kiwi-native announced that he's found a compatible...

6 July, 2016. 16:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact AS AUSTRALIA'S FAVOURITE SON in the upper house prepares to leave Canberra after failing to be reelected, Ricky Muir has revealed plans to "hang the arse out" around a Canberra roundabout one last time. The 35-year-old is well known around the bush capital for being a bit of a mad dog behind...

6 July, 2016. 13:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IN A SIMPLE CASE OF old hippies and new-to-the-block yuppies not wanting major progress to take place in their neighbourhood, the Sydneysiders protesting the controversial WestConnex project have agreed to keep getting piss on their chinos until the bitter end. Putting his art degree to the best use it's ever had, Newtown...