7 July, 2016. 11:35
MERV HARRIS | Local News | Contact
Colleagues of Rowen Giddens at Betoota Accountancy were left in stunned silence this morning after Mr Giddens revealed he is currently struggling with a massive haemorrhoid, during a conversation in the office about footy.
The group of workmates had been discussing the fight that Betoota Dolphins stalwart and crotch-grab merchant Matt Southwell had started during the weekend’s fixture against Windorah RLFC, when Mr Giddens’ presence was acknowledged with a “Hey Rowen, how ya going?”.
“He usually keeps to himself around the office” said colleague Joel Thomas. “But he decided today was the time to have a yarn, and fuck me wasn’t it disgusting and unnecessary”.
“Someone asks you how you’re going and the only answer is ‘fine’ – it’s not an open invite to broach the subject of your fucking sphincter”.
The group were subject to graphic descriptions of Mr Giddens’ haemorrhoid, and how his four-hour round trip to Thargomindah over the weekend had done nothing to satiate the aching nub on his anus.
“Someone asked him off-hand how he was going” said another colleague, Dean Thiesfield. “You just say you’re going ok, don’t ya? But he starts on this fucking rant about how his arse is falling apart”.
It is also alleged that Mr Giddens tried to show the group pictures he had on his phone of his massive piles, taken while bending over in front of the mirror in his bathroom.
Mr Giddens has been with Betoota Accountancy for eight years, and apart from comments made about how he really likes Carlton Dry, had never crossed a line before.
“alleviate”, not “satiate”