IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Minister of Australia has said today that the nation may be bound by the ANZUS Treaty to also stare at our next solar eclipse after US President Donald Trump lead the way today in Washington. Malcolm Turnbull told a Canberra press conference today Australia is obligated to follow the United States' direction, which...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An inferior local wristwatch wouldn't even be able to endure the water pressure fifty metres below surface, it has been confirmed. Despite claiming to be 25 metres waterproof, the portable timepiece isn't even really trusted an arms length underwater - and definitely wouldn't last one day in the Australian Clearance Diving Team Four (one of two commissioned Clearance Diving Teams in the Royal Australian Navy). The...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local travel agency has created controversy this morning after they revealed that they've been offering narcotics to ordinary Betootanese people looking to book a holiday to South America. Coleman & Sons Travel, in Betoota's French Quarter district, stands accused of dealing cocaine to prospective travellers in an effort to cut out the middle man. The...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Rodger Samuels’ colleagues have confirmed that they have almost had enough this week, after a certain fun run was mentioned numerous times. Rodger, a sales manager, has been blissfully unaware about his self-promotion over the last few weeks, much to the ire of some of his colleagues. “Look don’t get me wrong, fantastic that he did the City2Surf, I admire...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Graham Scholls is a simple man. He enjoys his dog racing, party pies for dinner and building people's dreams with his own two hands. But for all the joy he brings into the lives of everyday Betootanese people, the 49-year-old builder often makes his 17-year-old apprentice uncomfortable by making him critique and watch pornographic videos every now and then. Blake Washbrook...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact For the first time in recorded history, the ABC's Question Time has taken out the number one spot in the television drama ratings category. The national broadcaster is reportedly 'chuffed' with the accolade, saying that many people have worked hard on the popular programme and that this news validates that. "Writers, producers, directors and actors. There's...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact After plenty of nights spent salmon-ing around in sweaty Betoota night clubs, Max Gosku has finally decided to give it away. After spending most of the day licking his wounds, the landscaper living in the French Quarter resident confirmed that he is finished for good. “I’m fucking done, aye. I never actually liked clubbing, and now...

BERNICE TWISP | Social Media | Contact An Old City senior content executive has been forced to fold his Compaq laptop over his knee this morning after accidentally clicking the new 'Hello' tab above the 'Photos' button on a new colleague's Facebook profile. Late last night, Robbie Barn fired off a friend request to the new guy in the office, Gabriel, just to be friendly. When it...

BERNICE TWISP | Social Media | Contact A local woman with a bad case of the Iso exhaustion has taken to social media this afternoon to vent her current feelings on the day by taking a picture of a sleeping animal and superimposing the word 'mood' over it. Vanessa Smart told The Advocate that 'she didn't even do anything' over the week but somehow she...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Meeting his mother for Sunday brunch this morning, Tom Priest knew he had to look his best. Otherwise, his mother Bridgette would grow concerned about where his life is heading, seeing as though her 28-year-old can't even be trusted to launder his own clothes. However, the planets aligned for East Betootanese real estate agent. "I mustn't have...